They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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