We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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