He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
