yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
