I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
