I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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