I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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