god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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