Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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