and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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