my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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