i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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