I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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