I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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