Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
