Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
