Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
