I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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