Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
