how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
