bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
