you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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