Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize