I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
