Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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