im having a threesome with these popsicles
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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