Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
