i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
