there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
