I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
