What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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