we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
