I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
