You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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