you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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