I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
