I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
