He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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