I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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