woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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