then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
