You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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