I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize