Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
