Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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