You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize