Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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