I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
