They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
