I got chris browned last night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
