hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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