Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I smell stomach acid.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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