haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
