Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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