Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
