we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
