Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
