She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
