So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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