i'm signing you up for texting rehab
People in love make me want to vomit
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
