went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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