So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
