Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I got inside last night via doggy door
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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