If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
