it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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