i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
