tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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