i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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