I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize