I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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