My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Panties = found
Randomize
