Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
