We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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