I accidentally had phone sex last night
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
