You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
