Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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