Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
