Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
